"It won't do...
To dream of caramel,
To think of cinnammon,
...and long for you."
~ Suzanne Vega
(You should know, that like many people in this world with unfinished business, hurts, or anyone who has ever left a conversation without having said what they meant - or what they wished they had the ability to say, or come up with fast enough to answer - I talk to myself. Sometimes aloud. Often in my head. But very often, these are conversations repeated, unfinished, and so always slightly altered, that my mind won't seem to let go of. Once in a while, I catch myself. That is when other philosophical thoughts emerge. This often happens at the bus stop).
Tonight's thoughts at the bus stop:
1) In our society, the true graduation from boy to manhood is not made by some drastic show of masculine energy or rite of passage. Rather, a boy is a man when he has doubled his capacity to hurt, but lost his natural remorse that comes from the realization that he HAS hurt someone or something (especially something dear) and no longer cries (often) and seeks to find solace, understand, and forgiveness from his mothers arms.
However, I believe the true passage from boy to man comes when the boy learns how to love. How to value his own inner strength in his capacity to love, and strives to learn to understand rather than to hurt. And does not hate himself for being nothing other than what and who he is.
...But, then again, I am a woman.
2) All the messages I am NOT sending.
3) The knowledge that every second that passes is one more second of my life, gone. Knowing that at any moment, yes, it is possible that one of us could die. It happens every day, to unsuspecting people. And, yet... I want so much to tell you that...I want so much just to say...
To dream of caramel,
To think of cinnammon,
...and long for you."
~ Suzanne Vega
(You should know, that like many people in this world with unfinished business, hurts, or anyone who has ever left a conversation without having said what they meant - or what they wished they had the ability to say, or come up with fast enough to answer - I talk to myself. Sometimes aloud. Often in my head. But very often, these are conversations repeated, unfinished, and so always slightly altered, that my mind won't seem to let go of. Once in a while, I catch myself. That is when other philosophical thoughts emerge. This often happens at the bus stop).
Tonight's thoughts at the bus stop:
1) In our society, the true graduation from boy to manhood is not made by some drastic show of masculine energy or rite of passage. Rather, a boy is a man when he has doubled his capacity to hurt, but lost his natural remorse that comes from the realization that he HAS hurt someone or something (especially something dear) and no longer cries (often) and seeks to find solace, understand, and forgiveness from his mothers arms.
However, I believe the true passage from boy to man comes when the boy learns how to love. How to value his own inner strength in his capacity to love, and strives to learn to understand rather than to hurt. And does not hate himself for being nothing other than what and who he is.
...But, then again, I am a woman.
2) All the messages I am NOT sending.
3) The knowledge that every second that passes is one more second of my life, gone. Knowing that at any moment, yes, it is possible that one of us could die. It happens every day, to unsuspecting people. And, yet... I want so much to tell you that...I want so much just to say...
Because we may die, at any moment;
Because of what I feel:
Because of what is true...
I should say now...what I want to say...
Because of what I feel:
Because of what is true...
I should say now...what I want to say...
...And yet.
4) It's raining. It's autumn.
...And I don't know what to say.
