Making choices...

This is not poetry tonight, I fear.

No. It is just me.

Scared. Afraid. Alone. Happy...

...and full of decisions and...wants.

Tonight I will not be going to Tango.

This may seem like a bit of nothing: something simple. So, what?

Well, to me, not going to Tango, tonight, is like not breathing.....right...so...I am sitting on my bed, and all I can think is what Berretin looks like with the lights low, the way my dress would feel, were I to be moving in it, pressed into a friend or strangers arms, the sound of the bandoneon...all of it leaves me delirious....and yearning....longing to put on my dress and go dance...even if it is only. one. song. It is all of me: everything. It is worth everything.

....but.

I wish, also, to be with myself. And be wise.

(Yes. Sleep is good. Sleep is best. Sleep is needed if you wish to keep on dancing)

Sleep. Rest. For once.

But...there are...so many choices, you see.

I am moving.

Yes. I am moving. To San Francisco. In...just a month.

And my heart and all of me is...aching. FULL of aching. That is the word. I ache...with so much.

I have found this blissful happiness, you see...but...

Suddenly, here, with Tango. With these people. And this dancing. With all of it. What's going on in my life.

And.... I could...stay.

I could just stay here. Yes. I could.And be perfectly happy.

I am falling in love with....ALL of these people. They are all of them so kind and passionate and intriguing to me...and...different. And I felt...for once...last night...a kind of...home. Of sorts. No...not a home, but...I have never belonged anywhere, really. You see. But...last night....just for a moment... I suddenly felt... I am a part of this puzzle...and there is...for once...ROOM for me.

I keep wondering, why? Why now? Why do I have to have only begun to become part of something, and met all of them, and discovered it all....right before I have to leave?

Well. I do not have to leave. I could be completely happy here:

If I just stay. Eat food and drink, share stories, throw parties, become part of a full and wonderful life...travel...engage...all of it. (Not just with Tango peope, either...everything here is unfolding), and yet....

............yet...

I can see it. Peaceful. Lovely.

....and still that part of me which says:

......and then?

Beyond words. (A Tango).

Do not speak to me in words, if you are not a poet.
Unless you speak in Shakespeare,
'Singing ink & parchment paper'
Do not speak.

Instead, speak to me with your body
Explore with fingers and lips
Sighs and sounds and smells
And many other things.
Make music out of hands,
Of feet, of floors...
Quiet, sleepless. Speechless.
And passionately articulate.

Discover and uncover me,
Step, by step.
Changing in and out, creating time.
Uncover.
Speak to me:
Write new words with your eyes.
Our bodies, together, will make a whole new language.

But do not speak.