hello world. Again.
Nothing seems to be right today. (The voice in my head goes: "Oh, God....have you really been reduced to THIS...? Bitching online? Really..?)
Yes.
I have.
As I was saying...nothing seems to be going right today.
What's funny is that, now in this time in my life (as opposed to the first ____ some years) I am finally aware that, though this is bad and that is bad, and it never rains but it pours....things are somehow...alright. Underneath, yes...life is constant motion & soon everything will be...well, people always say, "Everything will get better..." and....they're half right. No, things don't always get better when they're bad....sometimes they get worse.
But they always get.....next. They always move on.
I'm here. Here's my desk. (Hello, desk). Here's my glass of wine. (Hello wine...you have not visited me in this room before, but tonight you are oh, so welcome company). There will be candles soon. Perhaps a bath. (Wow...if any stray readers who stumble onto this blog for ANY reason DIDN'T know I was a girl (or a stereotype of a gay man) they certainly know now.
(I thought this was supposed to be reserved for good writing & poetry, someone says....I say, read the description). :P
Yep.
That's the kind of mood I'm in tonight. I want to go MIA. Under the wire.
I have eaten my fruit tart. I am drinking my wine.
I have been crying a lot today. And yesterday. And the day before...and...and...and...enough.
So many reasons. So many. None of them really good enough, when I see the sun outside...
(or the stars & rain, in this case).
But all of them, easily.......ok.
It's ok to allow yourself to cry. Allow. Hmh. It's ok to be crying.
Even for no reason.
.........And, so...I have retreated to my Hobbit Hole.
(The tallest Hobbit of them all).
And, here I will reside...til further notice.
Loneliness is not a drug. Nor a disease. Nor an alibi.
I think it is simply...human.
It can be turned into all these things. But............what is it really? But the eternal longing of all things....to want to reach through our skin, connect with...something...someone out there....through the questions...through the void...and discover...something...Beautiful there?
.........for now. Goodnight, world. I miss you.
Thanks for being there. Sleep well.
~ G. A. (Hobbit)
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